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The Barmaid and the Cop
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The Barmaid and the Cop The other day I saw a post on here called "The Barmaid and the Cop" I was hoping it was going to be a joke but I was expecting it to be erotica - mostly based on the use of the world barmaid , I feel like I don't encounter that word in non-joke non-erotica situations . It turned out to be neither . Evertheless I , 40Deuce , am used to taking matters into my own hands . I present first the "joke" One night the Barmaid was closing things up and the last customer in the bar was finishing up his whiskey and soda . The Barmaid noticed that he had a large case with him and as she was bustling around cleaning the place up she asked him what was in it . He said that he was a sex toy salesman and the Barmaid was pretty pumped about that because she was in the market for some new toys . She asked if he had a magic wand and he said that he did , opening up the case to show her what he had with him . She picked out one she liked and looking at it perplexed asked here the on button was and he said "Oh , there is no button , it's actually magic - just say magic wand my pussy and it will do the rest ." She was skeptical but he said she could try it out - she took it to the bathroom and to her surprise it worked just like she said . "Wow that was the best orgasm I ever had" she said and she bought the magic wand right then and there . About an hour later after she had closed the bar down and was driving home she was on the phone talking to her boyfriend about her purchase and he was scolding her for wasting her money because he didn't believe it worked and she said "No I swear , I'll show you when I get home all you have to do is say 'magic wand my pussy' and it -" but she was interrupted because she had just said the magic words and the wand sprang into action . It was such intense pleasure that she started driving erratically and ended up blowing through a stop sign and a police officer pulled her over . She rolled down her window and apologize but said that it wasn't her fault , explaining about the magic wand . The cop rolled his eyes and said "Yeah right , magic wand my ass ." I present now the "erotica" The Barmaid was working late one night , alone , when two disreputable characters walked into the bar . "Sorry guys , we're closed" she said but they came in and took down two chairs and sat down anyway . She was getting a very bad vibe about the entire situation but only a moment later one of the local beat cops walked in . He was about to say something to the Barmaid but then he noticed the guys sitting there like they owned the place and they started eyeing each other . The Barmaid eased away towards the storeroom as they sized each other up . After a moment without a word being exchanged the two surly looking men got up and left . "I'm so glad you came in" said the Barmaid to the officer "but why did you come in here ?" He admitted that it was actually a mistake , the alarm at the hardware store had been tripped and it was the next door over . "But I'm glad I could be of assistance ma'ma" . He turned to leave but the Barmaid said that she was still a little freaked out and asked if he could stay until she was ready to leave and walk her to her car in case those guys were hanging around outside . The officer checked his radio and confirmed that the hardware store was a false alarm and then he agreed to stay - he even helped her clean the place up . He was a very good looking young guy and the Barmaid was so touched by his gentleness and chivalry that once they got to the car completely on impulse she took his head in her hands and kissed him full on the lips . She immediately felt embarrassed and tried to apologize but he said "No , I liked it" and took her in his arms , kissing her long and passionately . After a moment the Barmaid took a step back "When is your shift over ?" He smiled "Right now actually , and I was thinking with those dangerous characters in the area maybe I should you home as well ." "Will you still respect me in the morning ?" asked the Barmaid . "I sure hope not" he said and they both laughed . Later at her place they're in the bedroom and things are getting hot and heavy . The cop was completely nude and the Barmaid was in her bra and panties . They paused for a moment the Barmaid bit her bottom lip slightly . "I have something to tell you before I get naked" the Barmaid said , steeling herself "I have a really hair asshole . Normally I shave and pluck it religiously but I haven't been with anyone in a long time and I wasn't expecting . ." He shook his head with a grin "Don't even worry about it , because it just so happens that I LOVE hair assholes on a lady ." The Barmaid was about to accuse him of lying to make her feel better but just then she noticed the tattoo on his arm said was "I" a heart and "hair assholes" . "Well have I got a treat for you" she said as she stripped all the way down to the buff . He was suitably impressed by the thickness and fullness of her asshole hair but he pursed his lips "I have something you should know as well . When I was in high school I got really drunk one time and tried to get a porcupine to suck my dick and it bit my balls off . They were able to surgically reattach them but as a result when I get hard it's a little weird ." "How so ?" asked the Barmaid . "Only the last three inches get hard , the other five inches stay flaccid ." "That is a bit weird" said the Barmaid and his face fell "but I'm into it" she finished and his grin returned . And then they did it , the end . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Now the bonus scene after the credits - it's a year later and they're living together in a studio apartment . She's a few months pregnant , he's looking a little fatter . A dog is barking furiously at the window . They're bickering about their finances . She wants to quit tending bar and go to art school he says they can't afford to raise their kid on just his salary . She says she doesn't want to be a barmaid for the rest of her life . It's a situation with no easy solution . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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So romantic ❤️  
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The last 3 inches ... is that measured from tip to body or other way around? If it's body to tip that's getting hard, there is no "doing it" Been there, could not do that. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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