Yeah yeah its a long profile but its fabulous I promise If you are looking for an incredibly silly chick and a fwb type relationship you may have just found a diamond in the rough Id love to have a torrid love affair but umI clearly think Im not going to find it on this site huh So for now I guess a fwb will have to do While Im not looking to leave home or change my situation it would be hot just having some funJust an FYI You probably WONT hear back from me if you do one of the following HeyIm just trying to help ya out or at least make you laughLOL1 Give me your number the first time you email me WEIRD I dont know you and Im not gonna call you2 Tell me how fabulous you are in bed and all the amazing things you are gonna do to me um WEIRD Again refer to 1I DONT KNOW YOU3 Email me and simply say quothiquotI mean really Have you noticed how much thought I put into this profile 4 Send me an email asking for my address so we can f SERIOUSLY5 Email me and spell every other word in the damn email wrong Its like a major pet peeve LOL note since I totally suck at punctuation those errors will be overlooked6I AM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO SEE FROM TIME TO TIME If it bothers you that Im married then dont email me UM DUH LOL7 Seriously do you really think Ill meet in an hour um hello8 This one blows me away everytime why dont I have a face picture posted Gee let me think Cuz Im married maybe 9 If your screenname somehow implies that you are hot it might help if you are ACTUALLY HOT I dont care if you arent but dont present yourself as hot if you arent DUH10 FISH ARE NOT SEXY Listen a chick does not look at a picture of you holding some slimy quotcatch of the dayquot you caught while fishing and suddenly realize how incredibly sexy you are TAKE IT OFF YOUR PROFILE Haha11 My new personal favorite tell me you will email or message me everyday until I answer UMCAN YOU SAY BLOCKED 12 If you contact me and I dont reply forgive me but Im not exactly sure where it says Im actually required to LOL 13 This list just keeps growing and growing If you are married andor have a girlfriend dont tell me its ok to text you then actually have the nerve to get mad at me because you are STUPID and got busted UNBELIEVABLE LOL14 Did you really just ask me if I lactate WOW WTF 15 Um sending me messages on IM does NOT exactly mean we are having a conversationthat kinda would only happen if I were to actually ANSWER 16 Read this list and tell me I have too many rules THEY ARENT RULES just helpful hints LOL I didnt tell you that you had to read the whole damn thing Clearly if you got this far you are entertained LOL17 Get to the end of this list and tell me your read all my bullshit and now I can block you since you arent interested because Im married Im sorry were we actually having a conversation Refer to 1518 Email me and steal my material Dont give me your half ass version of this list I am fabulous and you cannot do it justice like I can LOL19 Email me and tell me the boob pic sucked you in WOW really Einstein LOL 20 Wow I made it to 20 this one takes the prize Open a fake profile use fake pictures chat with me for a few days and then pretend you dont know me Oh but wait even though I quotmessaged youquot and you have no idea who I am isnt it it fabulous that you think Im sexy and wanna get to quotknowquot me You are the idiot that is playing games and clearly lost track of which chick you were quotplayingquot WOW21 Annnnnnddddd just when I thought Id seen it allseriously some freak stole my profile picture and posted it as her own COME ON So now Ive officially had to add a watermark 22 HOLY SHIT did you just ask me if I am fertile23 YEPIve officially hit 23 Guys if you are using fake pictures chances are Im gonna bust you and believe me I will call you out on it For this reason I will no longer share face pictures and will only cam to cam verify identity So if you are interested you need to either have 5 to 7 face pics of yourself to share when the time comes or a camRESERVED SPACEOMG the email I get Im convinced Ill be adding to this listLOLBONUS TIPS1 If you are a fireman or a police officeryou automatically earn bonus pointsso sexy insert evil laugh here2 Military ugh Seriously sexy3 Love younger guys although guys my age are SEXY too

My Ideal Person Be respectful and have a sense of humor